Wednesday, May 28, 2008

Ugly in Puerto Rico

Yes, that's me. I'm back with my tales of woe, but I will at least first start with the positive. I'm here, alive and well and my family and is great and blessed. And we were just in the breathtaking El Conquistador resort in San Juan, people! Talk about unparalleled beauty. Wow. Which brings me to my gripe. They say Brazil is the land of the beautiful people and I thought that was true until, well, I went to Puerto Rico. Where do I start? Everybody is beautiful. I know what you're thinking and I don't blame you cause it sounds implausible, right? Wrong. Every last person in San Juan is gorgeous. Everyone. From the teeny tiny chubby 'widdle ninos', to the lithe, incredibly evenly tanned (not nauseating orange Popsicle 'Sunset Tan' esque tans we are assuaged with in some parts stateside) girls, women, grandmas, boys, men.

Usually this would be a good thing, I mean, why not right? Except that it highlighted everything that yours truly was not. Like waxed, plucked, smooth skinned, taut gutted, stretch mark free, cellulite-who?, lush locked... the list is unending. I mean, I knew I wasn't looking my best, but I'm usually able to clean up pretty well, but JUST NOT IN PUERTO RICO. End of Story - I was out-dressed, out-'bikinied'(manner of speaking only, I wouldn't dare with these battle scars), out manicured, out done. And I concede, because truth be told, it is exhausting with two kids to keep up, even though I was surrounded by tons of gorgeous 'model-mamas', who must have all had their babies at twelve or maybe have great plastic surgeons. Yes, it's the hate talking. :-). Add insult to injury, someone actually asked me if I was expecting. I mean come on, people - I was wearing an empire waist dress, a little bloated maybe, but pregnant? Seriously? I had a 4 month old in a stroller! Okay, I can see why she would think that in the picture, but I don't have to feel good about it, y'know? Oh, and that is a Calista Clothiers Dress. Yes, I had to plug it - and Yellow is the new Black, people! Get Yours Here.

But PR was 'mahvellous dahlings' and I am now serious about my daily runs, breakfast of 'face greek yogurt' or oatmeal or egg white omelettes for the rest of my life or until I lose the weight, which ever comes sooner. There's nothing like being 'peer pressured' into fitness by the beautiful ones. Oh, and I will not skimp on the 'pedis' and facials anymore. It is not a luxury as I now know that I sorely NEED that stuff. I have pores ON MY PORES and that is so not hot. In any language. So I am signing off to go get beautiful. Gaze on my picture and feel better about yourself. p.s of course it's the best of the bunch, I'm not stupid, you know!

Ugly in Puerto Rico, pp

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