Tuesday, February 16, 2016

Love is a numbers game.

I feel like I must preface this post (and perhaps, all future posts,) with this: Most of what I write is 'tongue-in-cheek'.  People are serious as a heart attack and  as literary as a school teacher these days. I can't write like that. I WON'T write like that. So now, take your critic hat off and enjoy the blog. *grin*

008 days to 007 Bond themed Valentine's day party. 

Ugh, 10 times the pressure. Not only do I have to look good for my husband on this 'special day', I also have to look good for random, possibly, 'judgy' strangers at this whole Gala thingy. Great.  Meaning terrible, actually, as I have gained a considerable amount of poundage since October last year - since we're doing numbers, 6.7 lbs to be exact - and definitely changed dress sizes- I've gone from a 004 to a 006. Whew, even I'm impressed by my openness in this blog post!

It was between these dresses: Yes, I had narrowed it down to 007 dresses (ironic, no?). I also quizzed at least 004 friends, roughly about 002 times apiece, if they were absolutely, positively, sure, they liked 'x' dress best.  And not one friend picked the same dress -ha!- so I was left with 005 choices - including my favorite.

I gamely got it down to 002 choices - one long and semi elegant, the other, short, sequinned and sassy. 'Which says Bond girl more to you?" I asked colleagues, friends and family - anyone who would care to listen, really. Sigh. By the time I had placed the order for the dresses, they only had the long dress in a 4 Petite!!  Scroll above for my updated dress size commentary. Of course, now, I had my heart set on wearing the long dress, since it was sort of 'unavailable' to me. It was the worst possible choice; with the low back, I couldn't wear a bra, how much more my much needed spanx!

Friday - 002 days to 007 Bond Party
 I decided to give the short, metallic sequinned dress a try. I texted my friend. "I look like an overweight  hooker." Her response "Bwhahahahaha!" I know, very helpful friend.

The black dress warranted another text. "I look like a fat sow." More laughter. Smh.
I wouldn't even show my dear husband my stomach. Plus the 4 Petite was way too short. Above my ankles, coupled with a slit, way, way up there. Tacky, tacky, tacky. It was ALL bad, y'all.

This is where having way too many clothes that you probably wear once and never again comes in handy. (Remember the tongue -in-cheek disclaimer up top, now). I had this long, dramatic fishtail skirt that I had only ever worn once - I had bought it in 2008, but it was a size 6 and had been slightly too big, so I'd never worn it again. Well, those extra pounds were good for something, apparently. HIPS!!

I decided to wear the *Yigal Azrouel 4P dress under the Chetta B skirt, and wouldn't you know it? Perfection! People couldn't even tell that it wasn't a dress. And since it was FREEZING that night, I also had a mini shrug, that created a 'cut-out' effect in the back. It came together really well, shockingly. Whew.

      The day wouldn't be complete without a smart comment from one of the kids would it, now? So real quick - I went to get my eyes done at MAC- I have never, and probably will never master the smokey eye technique - or eye make-up in general. She gave me a smokey eye with natural looking false lashes. I felt really glam, that is,  until Principessa cut me down to size. She literally jumped out of her skin when she saw me. I was like, 'Do you like my make-up?" to which she replied "You look creepy!".  Monkey boy was like, "That's not nice!" and Principessa tried to ease my hurt feelings with a hug and "No, I like it, you just look scary, that's all." Welp.  Principessa - 002, Mom- 000.
                                           *Principessa and scary Mom.

*Forgot the most important part - I have stopped buying dresses that I only wear once and forget about. If you attend a lot of events and rarely wear your black tie outfits again (I know I don't), I highly recommend Rent The Runway. It just makes sense. And here is my referral link - you get $20 off. 

Hope you all had a great Valentine's Day! (Shaken not stirred) pp


jamilla said...

Principessa for the win again!!!

PradaPrincipal said...

Always! Hahaha!